The Importance of Temperance in a World Full of Opinions

We live in a generation of strong opinions.

Nearly everyone has something to say about almost everything. And now, thanks to platforms like X and YouTube, it’s never been easier to broadcast those views.

That ease comes with a blessing. We get to see what others think and learn from their perspectives.

It comes with woes too:

It is easier to speak before thinking, take offense, or maintain dogged positions, especially when surrounded by people with the same mind.

Objectivity is tossed out of the window and replaced with subtle insults at the slightest irritation.

The chain reaction of these activities leads to online arguments, scuffles, and controversies that don’t need to exist.

We become tempted to join the wagon, share unfiltered thoughts, and get carried away with the noise. Team red vs. Team blue! Not because we want to talk for the sake of talking.

Sometimes, we simply want to defend ourselves, voice a thought, or refute an attack.

That’s where temperance comes in.

Temperance means moderation and self-restraint. It involves avoiding extremes through humility, tolerance, and calmness.

Without temperance, we’d be like dogs barking back just because another one barked first.

Temperance requires patience, a willingness to appear foolish, and a foresight that considers consequences, rather than immediate actions alone.

It halts the break and brings clarity to a frenzy.

The Letter Fiasco

My favorite example of temperance comes from Emotional Intelligence for the Christian by M. Blaine Smith.

In the book, the author discovered a letter his father had written to Stephen, the president of his country club, and a close friend.

His father had grown frustrated with the poor behavior displayed by the club’s staff.

At one point, the author himself was ignored despite having his father’s authorisation. On another occasion, his father was treated rudely by the bowling alley manager in front of an important guest.

Despite these valid concerns, the author’s father took the pains to write a thought-out letter that explained his frustrations, not just steam off his emotions to his friend, which he could have done.  

In M. Blaine Smith’s words:

“I marveled as well at how sensitively he expressed his complaints to the club president…

“Dad was clearly concerned not to damage their friendship or professional relationship…Dad had a serious grievance… Still, he had the good sense to collect himself and then express his concerns diplomatically in a letter.”

How many times do we react with grace?

Instead of firing off a quick reply to a rude comment, do we pause, reflect on the best approach, and consider how to handle the situation with as little fallout as possible?

Here, you are quick to say yes.

“I am not reactive.”

“I take my time to respond.”

But the little moments reveal the most truth:

Those moments you feel too enraged to wait, or feel so hurt that you bite back. Those instances show tendencies you need to work on.

The funny twist to that story is the letter was never sent.

Read that again.

The author’s father decided not to mail it.

Why?

Maybe he thought his friend would be hurt by his criticism and react defensively. Or maybe he felt empathetic towards the employees. A bad day might not mean they were always bad at their jobs.

Of course, it doesn’t imply tolerating bad behaviour. No. It means thinking situations through before reacting.

Look at what the scriptures say:

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. (Prov. 17:27 NIV)

A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict,
but the one who is patient calms a quarrel. (Prov. 15:18 NIV)

Whoever is patient has great understanding,
but one who is quick-tempered displays folly. (Prov. 14:29 NIV)

The Bible even warns us against having quick-tempered friends:

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered (Prov. 22:24)

Don’t react because you feel attacked.

Truly see and hear what people say before responding (this is a big one), if you have to respond.

Listen to understand:

• Where are they speaking from?
• Do they have a point?
• Why do they believe this?

After considering the situation, present your response, not an attack, from a place of understanding.

Help them see your perspective if it will move the discourse forward. Don’t shout. Be open-minded. Seek the truth.

Not every argument has to be won.  

Practicing temperance takes intention.

After all, we are beings with ideologies that feel right because those beliefs shape our perception.

But doggedly retorting simply because we can leads to a world of noise.

It benefits no one:

People get hurt, simple situations become complicated, and the truth gets buried in the midst of the chaos.

Temperance makes you stand out.

It is a value that seems to skew off in a world where everyone would rather have an opinion than keep shut.

Learn to be moderate.

Heads down, hearts humble, and mouths tamed, except doing otherwise will bring the most benefit.

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Cover image by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash